He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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