why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
