I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
