Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
