I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
