At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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