She is in my trunk
I am puke
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize