Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
