Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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