glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
