Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
