They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize