Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
