Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
