Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
