great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
