my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
