Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
