I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
