And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
