how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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