1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
