we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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