Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize