i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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