Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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