Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
