just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize