dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
