NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
