You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
