my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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