You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
