i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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