Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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