I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
