found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
