So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
