So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
