Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
