Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
