her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
