I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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