he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
