are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
