I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
