Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
