how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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