he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
