Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
whose parrot is this?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
