the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
