I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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