420 ftw
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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