i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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