There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
