he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
