We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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