It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
