and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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