i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
