Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
