I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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