covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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