I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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