i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm passing your future prison.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
