Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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