Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
