Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
