just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
pray to the hookup gods
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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