even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
