Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
cat food counts as protein by the way
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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