No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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