i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
