This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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