Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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