He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
