i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
