They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
