It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
